The magazine of the Melbourne PC User Group Eddies in the Ether Dave Mitchell

(first voice) "I'm putting a new message on the machine" 

(second voice) "It's my turn!" 

(first voice) "No it's not! You did it last time! Wait! What are you doing!"

(saucepan) BONG! 

(second voice) "Hello, this is Colin, neither Dave nor I .... "

Beep

This one's pretty quirky but I found it funny.

"I can't come to the phone right now because I have amnesia and I feel stupid talking to people I don't remember. I'd appreciate it if you could help me out by leaving my name and telling me a little bit about myself. Thanks." Beep

Apologies to all our Catholic members.

"Thank you for calling the Confessional Hotline, Father Wright is not here right now but if you leave your name, number and confession at the tone he'll get back to you with your absolution as soon as possible. Remember, confession doesn't count unless you confess all your sins in vivid, graphic detail." Beep

Compressing Issues

I assume that most of you are familiar with archiving programs-for the uninitiated they are programs which squeeze and compact one or more files into much smaller size and a single file. This has the advantage of making floppy disk storage more efficient and for modem users less time during downloading. Now, for a long time our club has used the Yoshi's LHA compression program, which has the advantage of being freeware, on both our BBS and in our software library. However it has been recently suggested that we change our standard archiver to PKZip (by PKWare). PKZip has a number of advantages over LHA - it compresses tighter and it is faster in doing it; it can span a number of floppy disks so that programs that compress to larger than 1.2 or 1.44 megabytes can still be stored and, the biggest advantage, you can use it from inside XtreeGold, the most useful program on my hard disk, so it's a good choice.

Unfortunately PKZip is shareware so the club would have to register it before using it in earnest and there are also some problems with compatibility between various versions of PKZip.

The only other program that deserves any sort of serious thought is ARJ (by Robert Jung). ARJ compresses slightly tighter again than PKZip but it is slower. It can also span up to 9999 floppy disks so you could actually use it to back up your hard disk. According to the warranty note you see when you use it, ARJ should be freeware to non-profit organizations such as our club.

The debate rages in the general comment area of our BBS with the vehemence usually reserved for Holden vs Ford vs Toyota debates but it is good to note the interest taken in what will be a major decision for our club.

But I Didn't Mean That!

Here's an interesting message that was posted by our Managing Editor, Peter Smith, dealing with the limitations of communication by text rather than voice. The main problem is the lack of emphasis so it becomes very easy to mistake the meaning. Now here is the example that Peter used which, I think, clearly shows the problem.

The line of text we see is:
         I didn't say he kicked my dog.

Now depending on which word is emphasised we can end up with a whole series of different meanings.

As you can see a simple seven word sentence can end up being misconstrued rather badly (some of us make a career out of deliberately misunderstanding people ....I do). Now one of the ways that we get around this is by using asterisks as I have here or we can use the most potent symbol of electronic communication - the Smiley or Emoticon. The following is part of a list posted by Andrew Speirs (turn the page 1/4 turn clockwise to see the Smiley).

Here are some of the more "off the wall" examples:

Andrew posted three pages of these so this is only a small sample. Many people adopt a smiley and use it all the time. While we are on the subject of special languages let's have a look at some acronyms sent to me by Stuartt Cuthill, regular poster in the BBS User area.

Here are examples.

Public or Private

One of the most frequently asked questions that is ed by new BBSers is "How private are private messages?". The first thing to realise about this form of communication is that none, repeat none, of your messages is going to be completely private.

You can, on some occasions, mark your messages as private which will conceal them from the general users of a BBS but the sysop (System Operator) of the BBS will always be able to read them if he/she so wishes to. It must be that way because if the BBS has private messages running through it which have illegal content the sysop may be liable as well unless that communication is cut off.

The reality is that the sysop will rarely read private messages, even though they have the power to do so, but it must be remembered that that right is theirs and they may exercise it whenever they wish.

To Suit All Palates

If you haven't yet made the best cake ever which was in the December PC Update under Bug, Byes and BBS as posted by Rob Gorey then I suggest you do and also that you have this fine Australian Wine to complement it. DEDRILLA 1957 
An unusual rough-as-guts wine that has the distinctive bouquet of old and ill-cared-for animals. It is best drunk with the teeth clenched to avoid the ingestion of seeds and skins. Connoisseurs will savour the slight tannin taste of burnt shag feathers and soiled medical dressings. Possessors of a cultivated palate admire the initial assault on the tastebuds, which comes from the careful and loving blending of circus-cage-floor hosings with perished jock straps. Maturing in midwest abattoir hogsheads give the wine a very definite nose. In the USA this wine is marketed as "Saviour Brand" due to the fact that 9 out of 10 people who savour it for the first time are heard to exclaim "JE-E-SUS CHR-I-IST!!!".

Caution: Avoid contact with eyes and open wounds Keep away from naked flames

Posted originally in the BBS User echo from Denise Altoff to Alexander Stern and later by me to Colin Lovitt as a suggestion for a suitable wine for the Waffle SIG.

Speaking of Waffling I think I probably am so that's it for the first of 1994 and if you are still sticking to your New Year's resolutions you're probably doing better than me.

Here's the tagline.  Literacy? Where do I look that up?

Reprinted from the Jan / Feb 1994 issue of PC Update, the magazine of Melbourne PC User Group, Australia

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